爱情不是努力就能成功的

That was an advice from a friend last night when i was not in my best condition. I tried to sleep but I can't. I tried to pray but there's always something in the way. My selfishness has turned me into someone that I do not want to be. My confidence made the person i love worried that it might turned back and hurt me and it just did.

Nothing is impossible, that's the phrase that kept me going all these years. But this does not apply in every situation. I've finally understand that love is not just about sparks and chemistry. its about the commitment and committing to a person you love can never be an easy thing, especially those who are living a different kind of life. All they ever wanted is the sense of security, which is one thing that i am not able to provide at the moment, and by the time I'm fully established, it might be too late to even think of getting what i wanted before.

I woke up this morning and received an email from my mum. it was an upper room devotional passage and it hit me right there.

Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you.

-Matthew 7:7 (NRSV)

I've asked and i was given an answer, I've searched and I did find it, and all this time i've been knocking on the door and its still not opening. I'm not sure if my thoughts are correct or logical or whatever, but if the door was not meant to be opened this early, i will keep knocking!!

I've failed once and it won't happen again. i will knock my way up to the top. I will not be brought down by the problems I'm facing right now!!